Dating Again? Start HERE!

Are you ready to date again … or thinking about it and don’t know where to start? Start Here!
We know the process of dating again can be somewhat daunting! Civility Consulting is hosting a First Impression Management for Dating workshop in the Hills of Lakeway on June 15th from 9:00AM-12:00PM!

Why Attend one of our Weekend Dating Workshops?
It will transform how you feel about your dating life! You will be more conscious of your first impression and learn how to be comfortable showing the world who YOU are. You will feel your value more deeply and have more clarity concerning what you want and how to get there! You will be confident about your next step in the dating process! We create a fun, safe atmosphere for your new start. We have attained success in this area and want to share our success with you! If you are even considering dating… take this step! It is your time. Just do it! You will be so glad you did.
We have had amazing reports of how our participants are finding healthy relationships! It is exciting! This workshop is not gender specific and is open to anyone 21 years – 110. We already have some awesome people coming. You would make one more!

Dating Workshop Topics
• Where to start in preparation for the dating process
• Tools to make a great first impression
• Tips to enhance your appearance
• How to create a presence that attracts the right person
• Raising your confidence level
• How to trust during the process
• Tips for a first class profile page
• Creating the end result you desire

It will be the best Benjamin you ever invested!

Register at: http://civilityconsulting.com/events/first-impression-management-for-dating/ or call 512.329.2012

Have you ever been utterly irritated at the way someone handed you their business card? I typically don’t send out information more than once a month … but I am compelled to address the issue of business card protocol. My husband, Rick and I have been to several events over the past few days and whoa! … there is a desperate need for enlightenment in the area of business card etiquette! I don’t mean to sound all sassy about it, but something has to be done! People are killing their chance of doing business and have no idea why. We can’t adjust what we are unaware of, so after today you will be ‘in the know’. No more excuses!

Think about how you feel when the person shows up who says, “Want my card, here … you want my card … hey, here’s my card” and shoves it at you with no concern for your answer to their question. Where do those cards end up? You are correct. File 13 … right to the trashcan! This is tragic because the poor person has no idea that the very thing they are trying to do – connect with people and gain their business – is exactly what will never happen. The increase they so desperately desire will not happen  because they are so obnoxious … or at best ignorant!

So here are a few of the basics:

• Always carry your cards in a case, or you may place them in a pocket close to your heart
• Hand out your card when you are asked for it … or
• ASK “May I give you my card”
• Do not assume everyone will want your card
• When you hand a card to someone be sure it is facing them (not you or sideways)
• When you receive a card take a moment to look at it
• Ask for additional information while looking at the other person’s card … preferably using their name in a sentence or question
• Put their card in a safe place such as in your business card holder, portfolio or a pocket by your heart
• Ladies, do not drop their card into your purse. Place it somewhere intentionally.
• Do not write on someone’s business card while you are in their presence unless you ask their permission. It is disrespectful.

The Critical Nugget

Gentlemen: Please do not ever carry your cards in your billfold. I do not want something you pulled out of your rear-end put in my hand. And please don’t put my card in there. That is not where I belong either!

Networking events are not a Las Vegas Casino. If you want to deal cards, your lucky place is Vegas!

When networking, you must polish up your business card practices if you want to be the big winner.

Good luck!

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Sometimes I feel like the slowest student in the class of life. That is one of the reasons I surround myself with brilliant people. I had a rather profound light bulb experience a couple of years ago that I thought would be great to pass on. This “Aha moment” withstood the test of time. It was one of those moments when I thought… “I knew that”… however, I wasn’t implementing “that” …  it was a blind spot in my business. Changing this one little thing … this one idea revolutionized my thought processes and the way I conduct my business. Implementing this one idea has led to more product creation and greater customer satisfaction than ever before in the history of Civility Consulting. It has given me rave reviews!

I will ask you as I was asked: “Jan, who writes your business plan”?

If you are like me you will answer “I do”.

Again: “Who writes your business plan”? “Ummm… I am pretty sure that was me sitting at that computer in December … I do!”.

Again: “Jan, who should write your business plan”? The light bulb turned on!!!

Have you ever known someone who had absolutely amazing products or services, and yet their business was not sustainable? I have known plenty. It is heartbreaking. Our success is not based on whether or not we have the latest, greatest, best amazing product or service. Of course we must deliver a product or service that meets a need, and we should deliver it well. But, who writes the plan? This was my light bulb moment. I could see it! I saw my clients asking for very specific things and simply planned around serving them with excellence. Viola! The business plan was written.

What do people ask you for? Not what do you think is the best thing you have to offer! What is the public, or your tribe asking for?

Our clients, customers, and patients … they are the ones who write the plan … You didn’t know??? Now you do!

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Need a little help getting started?     How may we add to your success? 

Confidence Coaching?     First Impression Management?     Professional Business Etiquette Training?     Executive Dining Skills?

Please visit www.civilityconsulting.com to view our available products and services

or email info@civilityconsulting.com

It is our pleasure to serve you

The bank account I am referring to is not at Wells Fargo, nor at Chase or the Bank of America down the street. The bank account I am referring to can be full when your Chase account balance is low and can be low even if your Wells Fargo account balance is brimming over. I am speaking about your emotional bank account.

Every act of kindness is a deposit into your emotional bank account. This is where the power of civility comes in. Civility will fill your emotional bank account to overflow status. It will make you feel like a million bucks!  It just makes you feel better when you are kind and choose to walk in civility. I feel better when people are kind to me, don’t you? I feel better about shopping in an establishment where I am appreciated as a customer, don’t you? I feel better at home or on the job when I am shown respect, don’t you? We all do. We feel better when we give and receive kindness. Civility makes the world a better place.

I am an expert at pain. I am well acquainted with it. Perhaps not physical pain, although I have had a few doses through the years … I understand how it feels to be bankrupt emotionally. When we encounter another person we have no idea what they have been through that day. We don’t know what phone call they received, what family issues may be brewing, or what financial pain may be piercing their soul. If you want to fill your emotional bank account, choose civility. Be kind to people. Everyone is facing some kind of battle. People do business with those they like and trust. Civility  affects your bottom line, emotionally and financially. Choose civility and watch your emotional bank account flourish. You may be surprised to see your Chase Bank account overflowing as well!

Please enjoy this article that was featured in Texas Women In Business’ monthly member publication.

You walk into the event praying you will see someone you know. Inside the door you are met by a group of strangers. You look around to see if anyone notices the obvious jackhammer that is pounding in your chest. “Breathe”, you tell yourself. “Just breathe”. People smile at you and say hello. However, your mind-chatter is screaming so loudly you scarcely notice. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? You know connecting is a critical component to having a successful business. How do some people make it look so easy?

Knowing protocols can reduce or even eliminate the fear of networking and connecting with other people. When we are little, we are taught of “stranger danger” and told “do not talk to strangers”. Those messages run deep and can show up when we least expect it.

What if you knew a way to silence the critics in your head and create a pathway to connect and actually have a good time? I can show you how.

Knowledge really is power. How did I go from that skinny little kid who was ashamed to walk across a room to being confident to speak in front of 10,000 people? Knowledge, that’s how. I simply learned some things and you can too! Protocols are simply the rules that pertain to a given situation. How can we win a game if we don’t know the rules? If I try to play basketball using football rules, I will most likely get benched. Knowing protocols can keep you from getting “benched” at your next networking event. Protocols are simple. I am not saying following them is easy … it takes courage, determination, and it takes action … but I am saying the rules are simple. Some even call it common sense. The problem with common sense is that common sense is not so common!

We will get to the protocols for entering into a group in seven simple steps. However, it is important to know a few things first. Where do you begin? How do you choose a group to break into? What do you need to know prior to breaking into a group?

• Always look for groups of three or more – breaking into a group of 2 can be too personal. You may be interrupting a private conversation. I have heard complaints that someone felt they were being ignored, or felt that someone was “freezing them out” when actually; they were the one with the rude behavior interrupting a conversation.
• Personal responsibility is a huge part of learning to network effectively. You have control over how you present yourself and the kind of impression you make. If you are not aware of protocols, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Knowing networking protocols will create a successful experience every time. Get some knowledge. Educate yourself. Stop blaming others for not accepting you or reaching out to you. Protocol is this: It is your duty to introduce yourself. Take the initiative. Learn what to do and then practice it. You will become a pro in no time!
• Even if a group has 3 or more people in it, evaluate the conversation to see if it is highly engaged. You want to find a group that is not engaged in deep conversation. If you see the group is highly engaged, move to another group that has a lighter atmosphere.
• Watch for the single people. Check around to see if someone is by themselves. Take the initiative and introduce yourself. Make the other person feel welcome. This takes the pressure off of you and your performance. In the civility world we say it like this: Be others oriented. Being self-conscious is exactly that … being conscious of your “self”. Get your mind off of yourself and onto others. That is when the magic happens!

 7 Steps to Break Into a Group While Networking

1. Adjust your posture – Adjusting your posture not only makes you look confident, regardless of how you may feel, it also creates a shift in your state of mind. This is a powerful tool when networking. To adjust your posture, simply bring your shoulders up, back, down, and then tuck in your tummy. Feel a golden thread from the crown of your head to heaven. See yourself standing tall. Walk in the power that is rightfully yours. If you don’t walk in your power, who will?
2. Put on a smile – A smile is like honey. It draws people to you. A smile also changes your state of mind. When you smile you release endorphins that make you feel better. Never underestimate the power of a smile. It can make people choose you over another, just because they feel a welcoming presence inviting them to connect with you.
3. Stand 3 feet away – Your presence does not end where your body ends. It actually extends beyond your body … about 3 feet. This is why you can “feel” someone’s presence without actually touching them. This is important to know when networking. After you have adjusted your posture and put on a smile, stand about 3 feet away from the group you desire to enter. Just stand there and smile. This step is most likely the greatest challenge. Standing outside of a group for 10 seconds can feel like 20 minutes … but you can do it. Stand there anyway. It is protocol. You stand there until the next step happens …
4. Make eye contact – When someone in the group makes eye contact with you this is your cue. When eye contact occurs, it will break the energy of the group. Regardless of where the person is within the group who made eye contact with you, smile and acknowledge them with a nod of you head or a hello. Do not reach your hand across the group to shake a hand when breaking into a group.
5. Introduce yourself to the person on your right or left – It is protocol to introduce yourself to the person to the right or the left of you. Say Hello, your name and company name (if applicable).
6. Acknowledge everyone in the group – Be sure you do not leave anyone out who is in the group. Give a smile, nod of your head, a hello or handshake to everyone in the group. You do not want to start a conversation with one person and not acknowledge everyone in the group.
7. Add to the conversation as appropriate – Join in the conversation. Do not be shy. Act as if you belong. This is protocol. Maintain steps 1-4 and you are sure to begin to connect in a respectful, healthy way.

Remember to greet your host or the organizers of the event upon entering, and thank them upon exiting. Someone put their time and energy into creating each event. This is a great place to begin to learn how to approach others. Approach with gratitude and you will be received every time.

This is the tip of the iceberg in the world of protocols and networking secrets. Knowing the rules will give you power and options. Once you know the rules you can choose to follow them or not … but at least you will consciously know you chose to veer from the path and were not just stumbling blindly trying to find your way through the networking jungle. Knowledge is power when it comes to connecting. It will give you the power to move forward with grace, connect with confidence and remove that jackhammer from your chest!

Please enjoy a re-post of an article I wrote for the AW Magazine… Happy Valentine’s Day!   Jan

It is February. Chocolate sales soar, Cupid shoots his arrows and heart shaped valentines are passed to giggling young girls. You may find yourself reminiscing of simple days when love seemed less demanding and trouble-free. Relationships can be … well, shall we just say … complicated. They can be complex for a variety of reasons, but nothing complicates our relationships more than the ambiguity of personal rules and boundaries. Clarity brings prosperity in every arena, including relationships. Thank goodness there is expert help for relational etiquette!

Have you ever thought about what unspoken rules you live by … and require of others … both in personal and professional relationships? We all have them. We all need them. Healthy relationships require rules and boundaries that are understood and agreed upon by both parties. Could you imagine driving on a street where everyone drives by their own set of rules? Our relational streets need rules and boundaries as well or people and relationships crash. Rules give us clarity. Boundaries keep us on track. We penalize ourselves and sometimes our whole “team” when we don’t follow the guidelines. Just ask the NFL.

Fortunately, there are rules of etiquette that can help us play the relational game without getting benched or kicked off the field! The good news is that experts agree on the basic rules for civility in relationships. Here are the top five relational etiquette guidelines to ensure that you win in your relationships.

Be Others Oriented. The first rule of etiquette is this: It is not about you, it is about the way the other person feels in your presence. Stay aware of the person on the other side of the relationship. What is going on in their world? Be kind. Keep compliments alive even in your long term relationships at home and on the job. Remember the good things that built that relationship and keep doing them. Don’t slack off and take that person for granted. Acknowledge their contribution. Be attentive.

Don’t Compare. Each individual is different. No two people will ever be exactly the same. Relational dynamics are not equal. Comparison is a relationship killer. It can be very discourteous. The victim of comparison either ends up on the bottom end of the equation or perched high on a precarious pedestal. Be grateful for what this person brings to the relationship and be gracious in areas they fall short. Appreciate people for who they are. Resist the temptation to compare!

Dress Appropriately. You would not think of wearing your bathing suit to the Opera, or a formal gown to a backyard Bar B Que. Wear appropriate clothing for the occasion, whether on a date or in the office. How you dress does affect your relationships. If you dress in a sloppy manner, people will treat you accordingly. Women who show too much skin in the office should not be offended when people react to their dress. From the boardroom to social events, find out the rules concerning attire and follow them. This keeps you and others from embarrassing moments.

Keep Electronic Communication Respectful. Please keep in mind to treat online contacts (through social media and electronic devices) and relationships over the phone with the same respect you would show in person. The individual on the other end of an email, text, or phone call is no less of a person than someone you encounter face to face.
Never send anything you type when you are angry or upset. Do not say anything electronically that you would not be willing to see on the front page of the paper. (because it may end up there!)

This rule of respect applies in social settings as well. When communicating electronically, please excuse yourself and keep it private. The whole room does not want to hear your phone call nor does your company deserve to be ignored while you answer a text. If you have an emergency, excuse yourself; if it is not an emergency, wait! Poor electronic communication skills can create havoc in relationships!

Have Fun! Do not be afraid to lighten up and laugh at yourself. This puts people at ease and shows them you have a sense of humor. Laughter is good medicine. It lightens the atmosphere. Be sure you use appropriate comedy … never anything hurtful, condescending or off color. People love to be around others who are joyful. Having fun is fundamental to a good relationship.

We can all agree that we have a relationship or two that could use a little polishing this year. If you don’t have one now, you will. It is part of our human experience. Clearly communicating and following these top five etiquette rules will unquestionably produce the relational success you desire. And, who knows … Cupid may have a surprise to shoot your way.

Coming Soon!  First Impression Management for Dating!

Contact us for details! info@civilityconsulting.com

Our Civility Spotlight for the month of January falls on…

Pastor Rob Koke at Shoreline Christian Center

How did he grow such a magnificent, multicultural congregation? His answer will SURPRISE you!

Don’t miss this interview! Regardless of your religious affiliation, the impact of true Civility within this organization is evident! We can ALL learn from this one!

20 “Be Attitudes” for 2013

How many did you choose today? Check them off.

(Give Yourself Some Credit!)

All of these “Be Attitudes” can be yours. Practice one or two at a time!

Be others oriented

There are many more “Be Attitudes”… This is just a sample… a place for

New Beginnings in 2013!

 Wishing you Much Success and Great Happiness in 2013

“I was not planning on being single… but I was…” Jan Goss

Getting back into the dating scene can be intimidating, or at the very least, awkward. In Jan’s NEW series, First Impression Management for Dating, you will find out just HOW to begin again and make that critical first impression the right impression. Whether you choose on-line dating sites or choose to mingle in person to meet that special someone, Jan’s new fresh approach to First Impression Management for Dating is your solution! Click below for additional information on upcoming workshops and training.