We have all had that moment. You are on top of the world, feeling really good about yourself when someone you value speaks something negative about you.


Words are powerful. They are containers of meaning, like little buckets that are full of life or death.  There is a Proverb that says “The power of life and death are in the tongue.”  Maybe you have never actually killed someone, but have you devastated them with your words? Has someone wrecked your world with their words?

Mean spirited words are the number one confidence stealer.

So how do we beat this one? A few years ago I made a decision that I would only go where I am celebrated and not where I am tolerated. Please don’t judge. I am not talking about being a Diva who expects everyone to bow down to me. I am talking about two way street relationships. I have allowed way too many one way street relationships in my life where I did all of the giving. I will celebrate you for who you are and I expect the same in return or I am not playing! That’s it. Making this decision revolutionized my confidence. People who celebrate you may tell you something you don’t want to hear, but it is said in a way that you know it is for your benefit. Stay away from mean spirited people, even if they are family. Grow your confidence first and then you may be able to be with them for a holiday dinner or event. Until you get strong, just say “no, thank you” to being in their presence.

What is most challenging is when the mean spirited words are from you to yourself. Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. If you are thinking mean things about yourself, stop it. You are an amazing, powerful human being who has deep value. Treat yourself as you would a best friend that you love and cherish. If you need help, reach out. Don’t be afraid to speak with a professional or invest in confidence coaching to give you the eye of the tiger! You are worth it. You deserve to live a confident life. Take the action steps needed to rid yourself of mean spirited words once and for all! You can and will beat this confidence stealer by only allowing containers of loving , kind, uplifting words into your life… beginning with the words in your own head.


Want some support building your confidence level?



  • Are you a professional woman? A leader? One who others look up to and admire?

  • Do you want to lead with more confidence?
  • Would you  like to function with a more polished edge?
  • Are you willing to find out how others perceive you?
  • Would you like to feel more confident in awkward or stressful situations?
  • Would you like to polish your skills in an environment where you can safely remove your “superwoman cape”?


If you are in the Austin, Texas area, Contact Jan about joining her for her Confidence Intensive on Saturday, April 26, 2014.






  • “I feel empowered to move forward”  …
  • “I don’t think you can put a price on the difference you made in my life” …
  • “Today helped me see that the pain and abuse that I have faced do not determine my limitations” …
  • “Confidence is the key to my life value” …
  • “Now I have the tools to remind myself of who I am!” …
  • “I now recognize the fears that I have are evident to others and that I am capable, and have the power within myself to change that!” …
  • ” It seems like a simple idea, but being told that I can step Out of my story and stand on top of it — that is a powerful visual — there is no secret door out of a story — just step out of the drama and into peace. Thank you Jan!”

Jan’s proven system increased confidence levels by an average of 85% in 2013.

What would YOUR life look like if your confidence rose 85%?

Click the “Contact Us” tab above or visit www.theconfidencequeen.com for additional information