The Stories In My Head ( aka embarrassing transparency)

Today I was on a conference call with some amazing businesswomen from around the country. I believe in these women. I support and admire them. When one of them began telling of her successes and about some high powered people she was connecting with my mind had a moment. Has your mind ever just had a moment? It threw a fit! It was almost an out of body experience. I could not  believe the stories that were swirling in my head. Things like:
  • Why does she have to go that “I am better than you” route?
  • Why does she feel she has to brag like that ( I told you it was embarrassing!)
  • Well, I am not a brown-noser, so I can’t succeed in this crowd. The ones I see succeeding are just “yes women – you are my guru” types. I just can’t be that, so maybe I’m just destined to be a loser. (yes, even MORE embarrassing …)
I sat for a moment thinking of the women who look up to me and reflecting on how important it is to share my struggles and not just my successes. I was making my self-righteous plan so I would not fall into the ego trap I saw in my fellow businesswoman friend. (Isn’t that just disgusting???) Like we all have not had our ego moments! But seriously … this is painful!
For all of you innocent ones out there, go ahead and cast your stones. I am owning this craziness in my thoughts because I believe it can help someone. I have a sister-friend who had a “chat” with me about the stories I was making up in my head. Thank God for sister-friends who will tell you like it is! She simply said, “That is just a story you are making up in your head.” … Oh. Well then. O.K. … It is, isn’t it? And the light bulb came on!
I am pretty sure I am not the only one who has made up a story in her head about another woman. You may have a few stories rolling around in your head about me. The truth is, it is just a story. It is just a story that we make up in our heads about where we think other people are coming from. Funny thing is … the story is inside of us! Those stories in my head were about me and my insecurities, not her!

My favorite part of this story? I got the sweetest “love note” from this businesswoman extraordinare within an hour of letting it all go privately. You see, the ugliness wasn’t in her at all. It was in me and I got the chance to see it, own it, and empty that trash! Mmmmm Mmmmm I LOVE my sister-friends! 
What stories are in your head today? Is your mind having a moment like mine did? Life is much easier, richer and happier when we shut the storybook of criticism in our head! I think I will open my book of love and support instead. Will you join me?

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