Core Blog Site
I am not so sure where we got the notion that love is not allowed in business. You may have heard to keep business thing business and personal things personal. While there are certainly healthy boundaries around dragging personal issues into the workplace, what is so wrong with adding in a little love into your work day?
This month is our month of Thanksgiving here in the USA. What would happen if we took this opportunity to show a little love … mixed with our gratitude? It’s ok … even on the job.
Love is the opposite of fear – not hate. Like it or not, we operate in one or the other. Hmmm … let me check my decisions … are they based on fear or love?
Are we doing our job because we love what we do and what our company brings to this world, or are we working out of fear of lack or some other driving fear? We can tap into love for what we do and the fear will begin to dissipate.
Fear is no way to live life. Let’s add in a little love.
Love is power.
My friend Katy is amazing. She is brilliant, very intuitive, and holds a C-level position in a very respected company. She is kind, generous, and a beautiful person inside and out. Katy is like the rock of Gibraltar. She is immovable. She stands for love no matter what. When I asked her about her success, she said: “It is simple. I run all of my decisions through a filter of love”. Go Katy! What would our work environment look like if our leaders were courageous enough to drive out fear with love? Anyone can choose anger and fear. It takes a true leader to “filter our decisions through love” as Katy says.
Leaders – Let’s BE the standard!
Choose love over fear.
Love Is Power!
Food for thought this Thanksgiving. It is as delicious as that turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie!
If you are a woman professional and would like support in optimizing a life free from fear and full of unshakable confidence – take a peek at our Show Up Well BootCamp! www.showupwell.academy/BootCamp. You can send your questions or comments to Jan@showupwell.com.
Benefits of the Show Up Well Boot Camp – a 4 week virtual intensive live coaching program with Jan. You can participate in from anywhere in the world with a phone or computer! www.showupwell.academy/BootCamp
- Build Super-Confidence in less than 30 days
- Stop the “head trash” question: “Am I good enough”
- Mitigate the fear of the future
- Be happy in spite of your past
- Create more prosperity
- Be more productive
- Enjoy better relationships
- Choose faith over fear every time
- Find your true purpose
- Live a truly R.I.C.H. life
Here is what one professional woman said about the Show Up Well Boot Camp.
I wish the whole world could too, Sandra. We would all be more powerful and learn to choose a little more love!
My single status came to me through divorce. Rick’s came through the loss of a spouse. He had been in a 30 year relationship when he became single. I had two “completed” marriages, one 20 year relationship and one for 14 years. Funny how life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. Rick and I met online. Perhaps that sounds a little strange to some. For me, I looked at it in a practical manner. I did not want to go out on a “hunt” at bars or churches or social events. I figured I would let the computer tell me if I was compatible with someone and then from that list I would choose who I wanted to date. It seemed logical to me. I also felt like at this stage of life I did not want to take a couple of years to find out if I was compatible with someone or not! So I enrolled in an online dating service.
Rick found his dates at church or by “referral”. After much frustration and heartache he had quite an awakening through a spiritual experience where he heard these words: “Are you done yet?” Lying on the floor, crying out to God he relinquished. “Yes, I am done. Let’s do things your way”. He was urged by a family member to venture into the online dating community. He followed that advice and the rest is history! Rick says he always dreamt of the woman he saw in my online profile. He knew I was the one. I think that sounds a little dramatic, but he swears it is true.
I was sitting on my bed with my computer when I went online to check my “matches” from the dating website. When I pulled up Rick’s profile, my heart fluttered. He sure was cute. As I read about him I could tell he was an extraordinary man. Wow, he seemed to have everything that I was looking for. I picked up my laptop and went into the living room where my roommate was. “Nancy,” I said, “if this guy is everything he says he is, then that’s my husband!”
For us, our very first impression came through a dating profile page with pictures and self-descriptions. We both had the advantage of knowing how to present our best self. Who you present yourself to be must be who you really are. The secret is found in your own fingerprint. That can be a little tricky when you are describing yourself. It is good to solicit some honest feedback when it comes to first impressions. Our next impression was via email. That can be challenging as well because words in writing can be interpreted differently depending on the mood or frame of mind of the receiver. Rick is a great writer and I loved his written communication. Our third impression, a vocal impression is when our relationship really began to grow. Hearing Rick’s voice over the phone connected me to him on a different level. I was certainly impressed with this man!
Then the day came when we met face to face. This was it! I was about to actually see the man in person that I had grown so fond of. I will never forget stepping out of my door to greet him as he walked toward me on the porch. I was excited and a little nervous. Oh no! I looked down and couldn’t believe my eyes. He showed up for our first date wearing tennis shoes! I was mortified.
Every manner in which we expose ourselves to each other brings another first impression. Rick and I had an online visual, online writing, phone, and then face to face first impression. Now we laugh about the tennis shoes. Had that been our first encounter I most likely would have scratched him off my list. Not that I have anything against tennis shoes. I think they are great for the gym, but I am not really attracted to guys who show up in tennis shoes on a first date. Shallow? Perhaps, but I know myself. I love shoes. I pay attention to shoes and love a guy who pays attention too! Rick knew we were going to be doing a lot of walking, so he was just taking care of himself. He didn’t think anything about it. He had already made a great impression on me so thank goodness we made it through the vivid imprint in my mind of black Nike tennis shoes!
Making a great first impression does not mean you must adjust every behavior to another person’s wishes. However, it is really important to be aware of how your behavior affects others if you are to make your best impression. I love the beach and have no issue wearing a bathing suit while enjoying the sand and surf. However, I would not wear that bathing suit to a formal dinner. There is a time and place for everything and there are protocols that apply. Think about it. Why do you dress up for a job interview? You want to be your best. Being your best does not take away from your authenticity. It enhances who you are for that moment in that space and time. It does not mean you are being phony when you match your dress to the occasion. Being yourself is your personal advantage. There is only one you. Herein lies the secret.
Rick and I both learned valuable lessons from our first impressions. I learned to relax and let him be who he is and he learned that an image consultant is not a bad idea. We laugh a lot. We cry together. We love much. Rick and I are two strong leaders living in the same household. We both enjoy growing intellectually and spiritually together. We are best friends. I love him more every day and he says that I am the light of his life. And just think … it all began in 5 seconds.
May it be like this forever …
Want to find love again?
I can help… but You must Take Action! I can show you how, but I can’t do it for you. If you are serious and want love in your life… take time to prepare yourself. We found love and you can too!
Go to: http://civilityconsulting.com/find-love/ and get our First Impression Advantage for Dating Program. It is fun, enlightening, affordable… and it works!
You will be SO glad you did!
Scratch – it’s an interesting word.
I know when my life fell apart … the first time … I had 8 kids. I was left scratching my head.
Scratch – You know the feeling when you have that little itch that is ridiculously irritating? It consumes your mind until that blessed moment when you finally get a chance to SCRATCH it! Scratching can feel really good!
Speaking of scratch …
Sometimes I have to do just that – SCRATCH my plans and ideas. Things didn’t go as I planned or anticipated. OK, scratch it! Strike that idea out! Let’s start over again … from scratch.
Here are some definitions I found for the word SCRATCH:
To use the nails or claws for tearing or digging. – Yep, that is pretty much how I felt.
To earn a living or manage in any respect with great difficulty. – Yeeeesssss.
To withdraw or be withdrawn from a contest or competition. Bingo! The only problem was, the contest was the game of life
So to simplify a very complicated matter, please allow me to share with you 7 steps I personally used to rebuild my life from scratch. And I am talking about when everything fell apart, my life was completely broken and GONE as I knew it.
7 Steps to Build Your Life Again From Scratch
S – See what assets you do have. Do you have breath, health, a somewhat sane mind? That is a start.
C – Choose to rebuild – The most difficult part of rebuilding my life was that no one could do it for me. Others could support me in various ways, but ultimately I had to make that choice to rebuild.
R – Risk having relationships. When you are down and out, the last thing you want to do is put out the effort to build relationships. People are how we heal. You will not heal in a vacuum. Reach out to someone who is trustworthy who can help you. Risk letting down your walls even when it is so difficult to trust. Take a tiny step.
A – Ask the right questions. Ask for advice. The right question is not “Why is this happening to me?” The right question is “What is one thing I can do to begin to rebuild my life?” or “Whom can I ask for advice who has been through this before?”
T – Take responsibility for your future. Trust. Watch your Thoughts. Think about what you DO have and what you DO want. Try your best not to think about what you don’t have and what you don’t want.
C – Cry. Let it out. When I went through my rebuilding process I lived near a lake that was in drought. I could not understand how that could be since I cried enough tears to fill it up multiple times. Give yourself room to cry like a baby …. because that is where you are right now…. starting a new life just like a baby.
H – Happiness – Allow yourself to feel happiness. In the midst of your pain, give yourself permission to have moments of joy. Smile if you can’t laugh. And when something does make you smile, make your mind think about it for a moment. Don’t let it go so quickly. If you get a chance to laugh out loud, take it. Laughter is one of your greatest assets.
If you have been on this planet for any length of time, you have experienced a “Scratch” moment.
I found one more definition of the word scratch:
SCRATCH – THE VERY BEGINNING OR STARTING POINT. LINE OR MARK DRAWN AS A STARTING PLACE.
That is my personal favorite.
How do we start our life over from scratch? Draw a line in the sand and make a declaration. MY NEW LIFE BEGINS TODAY. NOW IS THE START OF MY NEW JOURNEY. THIS MOMENT IS MY STARTING PLACE. And even if you cry like a baby in the beginning of your new life, I promise that you will outgrow that stage. Life will get better. You will grow and be stronger.
After all … Everyone knows that things are better when they are made from scratch.
Would you like to learn to Show Up Well in life? First Impressions Matter.
Check out our First Impression Advantage training at http://civilityconsulting.com/fia/
Feel awkward at Dining Events? We can help! http://civilityconsulting.com/eds/
If this title makes you mad, you probably better read this quickly …
Loneliness is a ball and chain that hangs in the pit of your stomach and attaches to your mind to drag you down to a dark pit. It swirls its ugly accusations through the passages in your mind and calls you all kinds of ungodly names. Loneliness is real. it is loud. it is dark. And it is a LIAR!
Let’s flip the light switch on!
There are over 7 Billion people on this planet. I bet there are over 100 people who would think you were really awesome if they just got to know you. I bet there are over 100,000 people who would think you were great and want to be with YOU!
So where are they??? Oh, they exist. They are real. They are waiting in the wings for you. However, there is a first step to finding your friends, your buddies, or even the love of your life. Step one is to hang out and appreciate YOU. If you learn this secret, loneliness will NEVER be able to drag you down to it’s slimy pit again.
The truth is… you are always going to be with you. Yes, that is your joy and your life’s dilemma. You cannot escape yourself. So if this is true, how about finding out some really cool things about yourself? How about appreciating the little things about you that make you different from anyone else? And why not also look at the similarities between you and every other human on the planet. It will make you begin to feel connected. We are all human beings. We all have thoughts and feelings. We all live in a physical body that can be challenging at times. We all have the capacity to love and be loved. The truth is, someone loves you. Someone does. There are perfect strangers who are willing to love you exactly as you are. The question is: Are you willing to learn how to love yourself? If you learn this secret you will never remain stuck in the loneliness trap again.
Be kind to yourself. Look at yourself as you would a best friend. Be forgiving toward you. You really have done the best you can with the tools you have had. Now it is time to rise up. It is time to bust out of the chains that loneliness has wrapped around you. It is time to claim back the life that loneliness has squeezed from your heart.
There are plenty of people to connect with on this planet. The first one is you. Find a pen and a sheet of paper and write down 3 things about yourself that you wish people could see in you. What do you wish the world would know about you? Perhaps that you really are kindhearted, or that you are a really great cook, or dancer. You may want them to know you are really smart or really great with children. Write three great things about YOU. Do it now!
Next, make a list of people that you know you would like to hang out with. Trust that they just might want to hang out with you too. Set up a time to see them in advance. Ask them if they want to grab a cup of coffee or go to a movie sometime. If you know there is a particular night or time when loneliness tries to strike, set up a time to be with people you enjoy during that time. Find a church or civic group that has a cause you are attracted to and begin to get involved. If you find it doesn’t fit, try another one. There are dozens of options for you. You will find one if you get in action.
In the meantime, introduce yourself to YOU. You really are an awesome person, you know … Get to know yourself better. Think about your strengths rather than your weaknesses. See one good thing in yourself every day. Trash the thoughts that bring you down. Words are more powerful than thoughts. So if thoughts are plaguing your mind, SPEAK one positive thing about yourself aloud. You may have to scream it! It is OK. Do whatever it takes to break the cold, icy grip of loneliness.
You have the power. You have choice. When you enjoy your own company, you will never have to feel lonely again. And if you want to be with someone else, there are amazing people waiting to be with you. Let go of the ones who do not celebrate you. Do not waste your time or energy on those who do not appreciate you.
Know that you may have not even met your best friend yet. Perhaps they are right around the bend. And when you meet your very best friend it may surprise you who it is … Any guesses? When you do, you will never have to be lonely again.
Are you ready to find love again? Visit www.findlovein5.com for your FREE eBook
We found love and YOU can too!
VIP Confidence Coaching with Jan – 12 week sessions are available for 2014. Contact her directly for private coaching information at: firstname.lastname@example.org
Are you a woman in the Austin, TX area? Want to grow your confidence?
Consider Yourself Invited. www.theconfidencequeen.com
This is a short blog. About only one question …
America, Have You Lost Your Mind … or Your Heart?
It is time for civility. It is time to have a heart and use our minds.
I am sure we don’t agree on everything.
I am sure we are worlds apart on many things.
I am also sure there are some things we agree on.
Can we focus on that?
We don’t have to hang out together.
We don’t have to do business together.
But we don’t have permission to kill each other …
Verbally, emotionally, or physically.
It is time for civility.
I get it that you are mad. I am too.
Our country is in sad shape.
Killing is not the answer. Period.
Dehumanizing each other is not the answer.
Your “enemies” have families too. They love people and have people who love them.
They are human beings. Yes, just like you.
They have thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Just like you.
Embracing this vantage point makes it possible to Love Your Enemies… it is counter-culture…. I get that.
OK, so start somewhere outside of the realm of hate.
How can we be so willing to extend grace to “other cultures”
but so unwilling to extend grace to “other cultures” within our own country?
What can you do to bring civility into ONE conversation today?
What can you do to bring civility into ONE situation today?
We must BE the change we want to see in this world.
Turn your hate into constructive action. Spread civility.
Are you part of the problem or the solution?
Let’s show that we are Americans with a good heart and a good mind.
It begins with the one we see in the mirror.
Are you happy? Are you leading the life you know you were meant to live, or are you just rocking along in mediocrity? Are you so “busy” you can’t stop to really evaluate and make necessary shifts to live a happy life? If not now, when? When will you take charge of your personal world and make it a better place to live in? When you are 80?
I spent years riddled with guilt and fear feeling like I was never enough or did enough. Always trying to live up to someone else’s expectation of me. That is not a happy space to be in. I gave and gave until I couldn’t give anymore thinking that somehow it would come back to me. Then it happened … The two words showed up that changed me forever.
What are these 2 magical words?
Own it? It’s my boss that is standing in my way. It is my spouse who doesn’t support me. It is that aggressive cohort that always beats me out every time I am about to move forward. It is my upbringing that I can’t change. Own what? My lack of success is not my fault. What am I supposed to own?
Really? … Own the life that you have been given. Own your power of choice. Own the fact that there are immeasurable resources available for you to succeed beyond your wildest imagination. Own your magnificent mind and healthy body and your plethora of abilities that so many others would give anything just to possess. The journey to “Own It” is one of facing reality, self-satisfaction, and power. A powerful, happy life comes from stepping up to the plate and owning our own talents, abilities, and our life’s choices.
There are really only three strategies I have ever found for happiness and fulfillment in life, whether in the marketplace or on the homefront. If we master these three, I guarantee that we will Show Up Well – Own It, and live a happy fulfilled life. I didn’t say it was easy or without effort. That is a fantasy. However, it is most certainly easier than staying on the proverbial hamster wheel.
My simple strategy (that I admit takes grueling implementation) is this: Take charge of 3 things…
Take complete power and OWN your:
We all have to start somewhere. Begin today to think about what you are thinking about. Get help with strategies to empty your head trash and replace it with healthier thoughts. Pay attention to what comes out of your mouth and make a mindful decision to upgrade your words and add more positivity in your day. Finally, own your actions. Own past actions and take immediate measures to sow good seeds with your deeds. Take charge of YOU on purpose, every day.
Show Up Well and Own It!
To learn more about Show Up Well Strategies and connect with Jan go to www.showupwell.com.
A free gift is waiting for you there.
Whew! I am just about worn out with all of the incivility on both sides of the aisle in my country. My Dad did not fight in 3 wars so we could fight at home… he fought so we could have PEACE at home.
I say, let it begin with me! Rather that criticize and complain about my country that is in an indisputable mess, I am doing some soul-searching to find out how to be a part of the solution rather than perpetuate the glaring problems. But how is this objective reached? For me, it is a two-step process. It is by “running in my own lane” and keeping my thoughts and words within the boundaries of being civil. Who knows, I may even go overboard and actually be kind!!!
So what does it mean to be civil? Well. the synonyms are words like respectful, gracious, and polite. Will I speak up? Yes! Will I be in action? Yes! However, I can fulfill my purpose and run in my own lane in a civil way. Of course. I want to stay aware and informed. However, I can’t worry about what everyone else is doing. I have enough challenges just focusing on what I need to be doing! I don’t have time to be “dipping into everyone else’s business” as my precious foster children used to say. “Mama! Antoine is dipping into my business. He needs to mind his own business”! I can still hear their little voices shriek with disdain. Well, we need to stay out of others business and take care of our own. My babies were right! We have our own lane to master. Let’s do our part well and recognize that we are all in this race together. Maybe that is why we are called the human race…
This may sound a little naive. However, isn’t it true that one person really can make a difference? It may not seem like much to you, but I speak on Civility and Showing Up Well everywhere I go. As oversimplified as it sounds, I believe our answers lie in being our best as individuals and bringing our best to the world on a daily basis. I call this “running in our own lane” to the very best of our ability. Focusing on discord, injustice, and dehumanizing others will only make matters worse. Let’s stop whining and get into action. We certainly did that as women in the women’s marches in January! Let’s keep the momentum moving forward with our positive energy!
What can I do to make things better? I can begin with my own civility. How am I engaging with others? Am I adding fuel to a fire that needs to go out or am I fired up to create a positive outcome for all concerned? When I hear people engaged in hostile conversations what is my response? Do I perpetuate hate or love? It is easy to love when people are lovable. It’s not so easy when I feel they are destroying my country.
So here is my personal civility checklist:
- Am I being respectful? We do not have to agree to be respectful.
- Is it helpful for me to speak? Is it more beneficial for me to remain silent at this moment? This does not mean I sit in silence. It does mean that timing is everything if I want to be heard … sometimes we just have to wait a minute!
- Have I double-checked my facts? Is this truth or propaganda? (there is propaganda on both sides believe it or not) 🙂
- Am I listening? Do I just want to regurgitate my beliefs or am I actually listening to hear what others are saying? People are much more apt to receive a differing opinion if they feel they have been heard first.
- Am I perpetuating love? As cheesy as it sounds, love really is the answer. We must stop dehumanizing people who are different than us. Once you have ever loved someone who is different than you, it changes everything.
I understand that sometimes love can come with a sword. I am a Mama and a G-Mama. I am well aware of the “Mama Bear Syndrome”. Don’t mess with what is precious to me! There is a time to stand up in power for what you believe in. It is also worthwhile to remember that taking the high road is a form of standing in power. Refusing to engage in conversations that are hateful and bitter is another way to walk in power. Choosing to be a part of the solution and not the problem is being the power!
Let’s be the change we want to see in this world and LEAD the change we want to see in America. It begins with me and it begins with you.
America, I love you. You are still the land of the free and the home of the brave.
I will run in my own lane with freedom and bravery and I promise to do my best to not dip into anyone else’s business.
To connect with Jan and receive your free audio about what it means to Show Up Well, go to ShowUpWell.com
I try to stay out of the middle of things. Anyone who knows me well knows that I truly love people … even the little stinkers. I stand for honoring the dignity of the human spirit in people. My company is called Civility Consulting for heaven’s sake! I believe civility is our solution on so many levels.
This bathroom thing has me a little over the edge of my toilet seat … I am a simple gal. As vehemently as I disagree with others at times, I do not see any room to be mean to each other. As I listened to the ridiculously rude and uncivil behavior this week on the news channels I couldn’t help but think that we are missing some key points in the bathroom debate.
- Can we all agree that we are grateful to have public bathrooms? What if you could only relieve yourself at home or behind a bush. That would be a real problem.
- Can we all agree we want to feel safe if we go into a facility… restroom or not … but especially if we have our pants down?
- My biggest issue: Did you wash your hands … or at least use sanitizer? I am such a clean freak, this is much more of an issue for me. Can we all agree to clean up a bit after our potty break?
Ok, now that we have at least a smidgeon of an agreement, let’s use some common sense. Here is some “uncommon sense” from my perspective:
If I go into a restroom, I do not want men in there. Sorry guys, but I grew up with 3 brothers and let’s face it… guys are just not tidy bathroom dwellers. Also, I have no desire to see you standing at a urinal, nor do I want my grandkids to be exposed to that if they are with me. If someone is transgender or gay, I probably won’t know. If Kaitlin is in my bathroom, I won’t notice or care …. unless she doesn’t wash her hands … If the government wants in my bathroom, I think washing our hands after using the restroom should be the #1 issue. We could stop spreading of all kinds of illness. Let’s make that the issue.
We all need the use of bathroom facilities from time to time. Guys go in yours please, gals go in yours. If you present as a guy, go into the men’s room. If you present as a gal, go in the women’s room. Is this too simple? There is no need to be unkind about it. If you are confused about which bathroom to use, that is not an issue we can fix by inviting the government in the bathroom. Let’s keep it clean and stop spreading this terrible illness of incivility. We are all human beings with bodily functions and need to use restrooms. Can we please be kind, be safe and be clean? Now, how do I say this in a civil way?
Government, get out of my bathroom … um, please.