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What I asked Stedman Graham

When I was growing up, my Daddy used to tell me that the richest place on Earth was the graveyard. Gross! I never understood what he was saying as a little girl. I just knew I didn’t want to think about dead people!

It turns out, my Dad was right. Most human beings go to their grave with a plethora of unused potential. We live our lives in a hurry most of the time, never slowing down to consider there may be another way. We minimize our gifts, brushing them off as not good enough or comparing them to someone else who is “really talented”.

Could it be that the seemingly insignificant gifts that we bring to the table like encouraging someone, or teaching a skill, or even a genuine smile could actually be consciously developed into something of great meaning?

We are all created differently.

On purpose.

Your life has significance. Your life has meaning. Your life matters.

Yes, even your seemingly “insignificant” gifts.

Yesterday evening I had the pleasure of being in the room with Stedman Graham who was discussing his new book, Identity Leadership. The premise is that we must first lead ourselves so we can effectively lead others. To do that, we have to take the time to figure out who we are and what gifts we bring to the table. This book shows us how. Get the book!

I asked Stedman what was the ONE THING that he saw in terms of identity on a global basis that was a common thread in humanity. His answer was very heart touching and brought up the words of my Daddy within me. “Jan, the one thing I see across humanity as a common thread is that people are so full of gifts – they have so many gifts in them – and don’t use them.” Ouch! Globally … every culture … we are so rich with gifts that we cannot see and have not taken time to discover. That includes me. That includes you.

The graveyards are getting more and more full of gifts every day.

In the early 2000s, Dr. Myles Munroe spoke at my church. In his powerful deep voice, (with the King’s English) he said these words:

“Do NOT go to your grave with ONE GIFT left inside of you!”

His words riveted me to my soul.  I thought, “I don’t know if I have any gifts or not, but if I even THINK  something could be a gift, I am going to get it out of me!” I am not going to my grave with one gift left inside of me! I am going to empty myself out. That next year I completed writing 8 songs and recorded an album, wrote a book, and began speaking and training like a madwoman! I haven’t stopped since. I am going to my grave empty of any perceived gift I can find within me!

Who are you? Are you a title or a role? Who are you really???

What gifts are inside of you that would go to the grave should you leave the planet today?

You have a few. So do I.

Stedman also said to do what makes you happy. When we pour out our gifts, that space is filled back up with joy! If you are not happy, you may want to check in with yourself. How can you use your gifts to help someone today? Just do it. Happiness will follow.

We are all one step closer to our last day on Earth today. Let’s leave that graveyard no room for our gifts. Let’s use them NOW.

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Jan Goss-Gibson is a recognized and highly respected Authority, Coach and Speaker with a reputation for helping individuals and organizations create quick and sustainable results. She is an award-winning speaker and a #1 best-selling author.

I would love to connect with you! Set up a conversation with me here: https://my.timetrade.com/book/Z71XM

 

 

How to Drive Yourself SANE – I am on a Rampage to Help Women Take Back Their MINDS!

I figure if we can be driven “crazy”, then it must be possible to be driven “sane”. People typically don’t just go crazy overnight. It is a driving process until one day … yes, you just go over the edge. You have had enough! I have been there. Lost my mind a time or two. The good news is: I did find it. I reclaimed it and decided it was high time to take control and drive myself sane. I allowed men and money to drive me crazy. What is your excuse for insanity? I think my two demons are fairly common in the world of women.

 

Here are three simple steps to sanity.

 

Number One – Own it. Own where you are. Own that no matter who or what you feel put you there, you have the power to get out. It begins between your ears. Change your mind and you will change your life. Own the part that you created. Look at it. What could you have done differently? Now you know you will never do that again! Forgive yourself and move on. Let yourself off the hook. We have all made mistakes. You are on a learning journey just like everyone else. Stop being so hard on yourself.

 

Number Two – Get rid of fear. Fear is your enemy. Get rid of it! Fear will paralyze you. Remember that feeling when you had a bad dream and woke up and could not move? That is what fear does to you. However, remember when you woke up if you could just move your leg, or arm, or wiggle your pinkie toe, the fear would break! Get in motion! Get in action! Even if it is a tiny baby step. What small step can you take today in the right direction? Just do it! Fear will lose its grip on you once you get in motion!

 

Number Three – Be accountable. Our minds can play really great tricks on us and make us think we are making progress when in fact we are not in motion at all…. we are just thinking about getting into action! Be accountable to someone for the action you are going to take and the time you will have that action completed. Give them permission to follow up with you and hold you accountable. Accountability does not mean you are weak. It takes a lot of guts to let someone know if you accomplished what you set out to do or not. It is much easier to hide out and pretend. Accountability is not for the faint of heart. Accountability will pull you into reality. It will give you hope and make you proud of yourself for your accomplishments. Accountability will place you on the road to success, the road of sanity.

Human beings are not wired to live a solitary life. That is why it drives people crazy to be in “solitary confinement”. You must connect with others to live a full happy life. Own where you are. Get rid of your fear and be accountable.

Welcome to sanity!

Do you know someone who feels like they are going “crazy”?

Share this blog and give them hope and possibility!

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Take charge of your thoughts or they will take charge of you!

Join me LIVE in July 2019 for our Show Up Well Boot Camp – A Boot Camp for your mind!

Check it out HERE: https://showupwell.academy/bootcamp/

I will help you “Drive Yourself Sane”!

  • Stop the whirlpool thoughts that suck you under
  • Stop repeating the same mistakes
  • Stop letting other people and circumstances control you
  • Take charge of your mind and emotions

It all happens at the Show Up Well Boot Camp – A Boot Camp for Your Mind

You will have access for a whole year with LIVE sessions with Jan Goss-Gibson every quarter.

Get started HERE: https://showupwell.academy/bootcamp/ 

How to Rekindle Intimacy in the Bedroom

Love is Power – Even on the Job

www.showupwell.com

I am not so sure where we got the notion that love is not allowed in business. You may have heard to keep business thing business and personal things personal. While there are certainly healthy boundaries around dragging personal issues into the workplace, what is so wrong with adding in a little love into your work day?

This month is our month of Thanksgiving here in the USA. What would happen if we took this opportunity to show a little love … mixed with our gratitude? It’s ok … even on the job.

Love is the opposite of fear – not hate. Like it or not, we operate in one or the other. Hmmm … let me check my decisions … are they based on fear or love?

Are we doing our job because we love what we do and what our company brings to this world, or are we working out of fear of lack or some other driving fear? We can tap into love for what we do and the fear will begin to dissipate. 

Fear is no way to live life. Let’s add in a little love.

Love is power.

My friend Katy is amazing. She is brilliant, very intuitive, and holds a C-level position in a very respected company. She is kind, generous, and a beautiful person inside and out. Katy is like the rock of Gibraltar. She is immovable. She stands for love no matter what. When I asked her about her success, she said: “It is simple. I run all of my decisions through a filter of love”. Go Katy! What would our work environment look like if our leaders were courageous enough to drive out fear with love? Anyone can choose anger and fear. It takes a true leader to “filter our decisions through love” as Katy says.

Leaders – Let’s BE the standard! 

Choose love over fear.

Love Is Power!

Food for thought this Thanksgiving. It is as delicious as that turkey and dressing and pumpkin pie!

If you are a woman professional and would like support in optimizing a life free from fear and full of unshakable confidence – take a peek at our Show Up Well BootCamp!  www.showupwell.academy/BootCamp. You can send your questions or comments to Jan@showupwell.com.

Benefits of the Show Up Well Boot Camp – a 4 week virtual intensive live coaching program with Jan. You can participate in from anywhere in the world with a phone or computer!  www.showupwell.academy/BootCamp

  • Build Super-Confidence in less than 30 days
  • Stop the “head trash” question: “Am I good enough”
  • Mitigate the fear of the future
  • Be happy in spite of your past
  • Create more prosperity
  • Be more productive
  • Enjoy better relationships
  • Choose faith over fear every time
  • Find your true purpose
  • Live a truly R.I.C.H. life

Here is what one professional woman said about the Show Up Well Boot Camp.

I wish the whole world could too, Sandra. We would all be more powerful and learn to choose a little more love!

Looking for Love? Our Story

OUR STORY

My single status came to me through divorce. Rick’s came through the loss of a spouse. He had been in a 30 year relationship when he became single. I had two “completed” marriages, one 20 year relationship and one for 14 years. Funny how life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned. Rick and I met online. Perhaps that sounds a little strange to some. For me, I looked at it in a practical manner. I did not want to go out on a “hunt” at bars or churches or social events. I figured I would let the computer tell me if I was compatible with someone and then from that list I would choose who I wanted to date. It seemed logical to me. I also felt like at this stage of life I did not want to take a couple of years to find out if I was compatible with someone or not! So I enrolled in an online dating service.

Rick found his dates at church or by “referral”. After much frustration and heartache he had quite an awakening through a spiritual experience where he heard these words: “Are you done yet?” Lying on the floor, crying out to God he relinquished. “Yes, I am done. Let’s do things your way”. He was urged by a family member to venture into the online dating community. He followed that advice and the rest is history! Rick says he always dreamt of the woman he saw in my online profile. He knew I was the one. I think that sounds a little dramatic, but he swears it is true.

I was sitting on my bed with my computer when I went online to check my “matches” from the dating website. When I pulled up Rick’s profile, my heart fluttered. He sure was cute. As I read about him I could tell he was an extraordinary man. Wow, he seemed to have everything that I was looking for. I picked up my laptop and went into the living room where my roommate was. “Nancy,” I said, “if this guy is everything he says he is, then that’s my husband!”

For us, our very first impression came through a dating profile page with pictures and self-descriptions. We both had the advantage of knowing how to present our best self. Who you present yourself to be must be who you really are. The secret is found in your own fingerprint. That can be a little tricky when you are describing yourself. It is good to solicit some honest feedback when it comes to first impressions. Our next impression was via email. That can be challenging as well because words in writing can be interpreted differently depending on the mood or frame of mind of the receiver. Rick is a great writer and I loved his written communication. Our third impression, a vocal impression is when our relationship really began to grow. Hearing Rick’s voice over the phone connected me to him on a different level. I was certainly impressed with this man!

Then the day came when we met face to face. This was it! I was about to actually see the man in person that I had grown so fond of. I will never forget stepping out of my door to greet him as he walked toward me on the porch. I was excited and a little nervous. Oh no! I looked down and couldn’t believe my eyes. He showed up for our first date wearing tennis shoes! I was mortified.

Every manner in which we expose ourselves to each other brings another first impression. Rick and I had an online visual, online writing, phone, and then face to face first impression. Now we laugh about the tennis shoes. Had that been our first encounter I most likely would have scratched him off my list. Not that I have anything against tennis shoes. I think they are great for the gym, but I am not really attracted to guys who show up in tennis shoes on a first date. Shallow? Perhaps, but I know myself. I love shoes. I pay attention to shoes and love a guy who pays attention too! Rick knew we were going to be doing a lot of walking, so he was just taking care of himself. He didn’t think anything about it. He had already made a great impression on me so thank goodness we made it through the vivid imprint in my mind of black Nike tennis shoes!

Making a great first impression does not mean you must adjust every behavior to another person’s wishes. However, it is really important to be aware of how your behavior affects others if you are to make your best impression. I love the beach and have no issue wearing a bathing suit while enjoying the sand and surf. However, I would not wear that bathing suit to a formal dinner. There is a time and place for everything and there are protocols that apply. Think about it. Why do you dress up for a job interview? You want to be your best. Being your best does not take away from your authenticity. It enhances who you are for that moment in that space and time. It does not mean you are being phony when you match your dress to the occasion. Being yourself is your personal advantage. There is only one you. Herein lies the secret.

Rick and I both learned valuable lessons from our first impressions. I learned to relax and let him be who he is and he learned that an image consultant is not a bad idea. We laugh a lot. We cry together. We love much. Rick and I are two strong leaders living in the same household. We both enjoy growing intellectually and spiritually together. We are best friends. I love him more every day and he says that I am the light of his life. And just think … it all began in 5 seconds.

May it be like this forever …

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Want to find love again?

I can help… but You must Take Action! I can show you how, but I can’t do it for you. If you are serious and want love in your life… take time to prepare yourself. We found love and you can too!

Go to: http://civilityconsulting.com/find-love/ and get our First Impression Advantage for Dating Program. It is fun, enlightening, affordable… and it works!

You will be SO glad you did!

How to Start Your Life From Scratch

Scratch – it’s an interesting word.

I know when my life fell apart … the first time … I had 8 kids. I was left scratching my head.

Scratch – You know the feeling when you have that little itch that is ridiculously irritating? It consumes your mind until that blessed moment when you finally get a chance to SCRATCH it!  Scratching can feel really good!

Speaking of scratch …

Sometimes I have to do just that – SCRATCH my plans and ideas. Things didn’t go as I planned or anticipated. OK, scratch it! Strike that idea out! Let’s start over again … from scratch.

Here are some definitions I found for the word SCRATCH:

 

SCRATCH

  • To use the nails or claws for tearing or digging. – Yep, that is pretty much how I felt.

  • To earn a living or manage in any respect with great difficulty. – Yeeeesssss.

  • To withdraw or be withdrawn from a contest or competition. Bingo! The only problem was, the contest was the game of life

So to simplify a very complicated matter, please allow me to share with you 7 steps I  personally used to rebuild my life from scratch. And I am talking about when everything fell apart, my life was completely broken and GONE as I knew it.

 

7 Steps to Build Your Life Again From Scratch

  1. S – See what assets you do have. Do you have breath, health, a somewhat sane mind? That is a start.

  2. C – Choose to rebuild – The most difficult part of rebuilding my life was that no one could do it for me. Others could support me in various ways, but ultimately I had to make that choice to rebuild.

  3. R – Risk having relationships. When you are down and out, the last thing you want to do is put out the effort to build relationships. People are how we heal. You will not heal in a vacuum. Reach out to someone who is trustworthy who can help you.  Risk letting down your walls even when it is so difficult to trust. Take a tiny step.

  4. A – Ask the right questions. Ask for advice. The right question is not “Why is this happening to me?” The right question is “What is one thing I can do to begin to rebuild my life?” or “Whom can I ask for advice who has been through this before?”

  5. T – Take responsibility for your future. Trust. Watch your Thoughts. Think about what you DO have and what you DO want. Try your best not to think about what you don’t have and what you don’t want.

  6. C – Cry. Let it out. When I went through my rebuilding process I lived near a lake that was in drought. I could not understand how that could be since I cried enough tears to fill it up multiple times. Give yourself room to cry like a baby …. because that is where you are right now…. starting a new life just like a baby.

  7. H – Happiness – Allow yourself to feel happiness. In the midst of your pain, give yourself permission to have moments of joy. Smile if you can’t laugh. And when something does make you smile, make your mind think about it for a moment. Don’t let it go so quickly. If you get a chance to laugh out loud, take it. Laughter is one of your greatest assets.

If you have been on this planet for any length of time, you have experienced a “Scratch” moment.

I found one more definition of the word scratch:

SCRATCH – THE VERY BEGINNING OR STARTING POINT. LINE OR MARK DRAWN AS A STARTING PLACE.

That is my personal favorite.

How do we start our life over from scratch? Draw a line in the sand and make a declaration. MY NEW LIFE BEGINS TODAY. NOW IS THE START OF MY NEW JOURNEY. THIS MOMENT IS MY STARTING PLACE. And even if you cry like a baby in the beginning of your new life, I promise that you will outgrow that stage. Life will get better. You will grow and be stronger.

 

After all … Everyone knows that things are better when they are made from scratch.

 

Would you like to learn to Show Up Well in life? First Impressions Matter.

Check out our First Impression Advantage training at http://civilityconsulting.com/fia/

Feel awkward at Dining Events? We can help! http://civilityconsulting.com/eds/

 

Loneliness is a Choice

If this title makes you mad, you probably better read this quickly …

 

Loneliness is a ball and chain that hangs in the pit of your stomach and attaches to your mind to drag you down to a dark pit. It swirls its ugly accusations through the passages in your mind and calls you all kinds of ungodly names. Loneliness is real. it is loud. it is dark. And it is a LIAR!

Let’s flip the light switch on!

There are over 7 Billion people on this planet. I bet there are over 100 people who would think you were really awesome if they just got to know you. I bet there are over 100,000 people who would think you were great and want to be with YOU!

So where are they??? Oh, they exist. They are real. They are waiting in the wings for you. However, there is a first step to finding your friends, your buddies, or even the love of your life. Step one is to hang out and appreciate YOU. If you learn this secret, loneliness will NEVER be able to drag you down to it’s slimy pit again.

The truth is… you are always going to be with you. Yes, that is your joy and your life’s dilemma. You cannot escape yourself. So if this is true, how about finding out some really cool things about yourself? How about appreciating the little things about you that make you different from anyone else? And why not also look at the similarities between you and every other human on the planet. It will make you begin to feel connected. We are all human beings. We all have thoughts and feelings. We all live in a physical body that can be challenging at times. We all have the capacity to love and be loved. The truth is, someone loves you. Someone does. There are perfect strangers who are willing to love you exactly as you are. The question is: Are you willing to learn how to love yourself? If you learn this secret you will never remain stuck in the loneliness trap again.

Be kind to yourself. Look at yourself as you would a best friend. Be forgiving toward you. You really have done the best you can with the tools you have had. Now it is time to rise up. It is time to bust out of the chains that loneliness has wrapped around you. It is time to claim back the life that loneliness has squeezed from your heart.

There are plenty of people to connect with on this planet. The first one is you. Find a pen and a sheet of paper and write down 3 things about yourself that you wish people could see in you. What do you wish the world would know about you? Perhaps that you really are kindhearted, or that you are a really great cook, or dancer. You may want them to know you are really smart or really great with children. Write three great things about YOU. Do it now!

Next, make a list of people that you know  you would like to hang out with. Trust that they just might want to hang out with you too. Set up a time to see them in advance. Ask them if they want to grab a cup of coffee or go to a movie sometime. If you know there is a particular night or time when loneliness tries to strike, set up a time to be with people you enjoy during that time. Find a church or civic group that has a cause you are attracted to and begin to get involved. If you find it doesn’t fit, try another one. There are dozens of options for you. You will find one if you get in action.

In the meantime, introduce yourself to YOU. You really are an awesome person, you know … Get to know yourself better. Think about your strengths rather than your weaknesses. See one good thing in yourself every day. Trash the thoughts that bring you down. Words are more powerful than thoughts. So if thoughts are plaguing your mind, SPEAK one positive thing about yourself aloud. You may have to scream it! It is OK. Do whatever it takes to break the cold, icy grip of loneliness.

You have the power. You have choice. When you enjoy your own company, you will never have to feel lonely again. And if you want to be with someone else, there are amazing people waiting to be with you. Let go of the ones who do not celebrate you. Do not waste your time or energy on those who do not appreciate you.

Know that you may have not even met your best friend yet. Perhaps they are right around the bend. And when you meet your very best friend it may surprise you who it is … Any guesses? When you do, you will never have to be lonely again.

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 Are you ready to find love again? Visit www.findlovein5.com for your FREE eBook 

We found love and YOU can too! 

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VIP Confidence Coaching with Jan –  12 week sessions  are available for 2014. Contact her directly for private coaching information at: jan@civilityconsulting.com

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Are you a woman in the Austin, TX area? Want to grow your confidence?

Consider Yourself Invited. www.theconfidencequeen.com

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America, Have You Lost Your Mind … or Your Heart?

This is a short blog. About only one question …

America, Have You Lost Your Mind … or Your Heart?

It is time for civility. It is time to have a heart and use our minds.

I am sure we don’t agree on everything.

I am sure we are worlds apart on many things.

I am also sure there are some things we agree on.

Can we focus on that?

We don’t have to hang out together.

We don’t have to do business together.

But we don’t have permission to kill each other …

Verbally, emotionally, or physically.

It is time for civility.

I get it that you are mad. I am too.

Our country is in sad shape.

Killing is not the answer. Period.

Dehumanizing each other is not the answer.

Your “enemies” have families too. They love people and have people who love them.

They are human beings. Yes, just like you.

They have thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Just like you.

Embracing this vantage point makes it possible to Love Your Enemies… it is counter-culture…. I get that.

OK, so start somewhere outside of the realm of hate.

How can we be so willing to extend grace to “other cultures”

but so unwilling to extend grace to “other cultures” within our own country?

What can you do to bring civility into ONE conversation today? 

What can you do to bring civility into ONE situation today? 

We must BE the change we want to see in this world.

Turn your hate into constructive action. Spread civility.

Are you part of the problem or the solution?

Let’s show that we are Americans with a good heart and a good mind.

It begins with the one we see in the mirror.

Choose civility.

www.civilityconsulting.com

 

Show Up Well and Own It!

Are you happy? Are you leading the life you know you were meant to live, or are you just rocking along in mediocrity? Are you so “busy” you can’t stop to really evaluate and make necessary shifts to live a happy life? If not now, when?  When will you take charge of your personal world and make it a better place to live in? When you are 80?

I spent years riddled with guilt and fear feeling like I was never enough or did enough. Always trying to live up to someone else’s expectation of me. That is not a happy space to be in. I gave and gave until I couldn’t give anymore thinking that somehow it would come back to me. Then it happened … The two words showed up that changed me forever.

What are these 2 magical words?

Own it!

Own it?  It’s my boss that is standing in my way. It is my spouse who doesn’t support me. It is that aggressive cohort that always beats me out every time I am about to move forward. It is my upbringing that I can’t change. Own what? My lack of success is not my fault. What am I supposed to own?

Really? … Own the life that you have been given. Own your power of choice. Own the fact that there are immeasurable resources available for you to succeed beyond your wildest imagination. Own your magnificent mind and healthy body and your plethora of abilities that so many others would give anything just to possess. The journey to “Own It” is one of facing reality, self-satisfaction, and power. A powerful, happy life comes from stepping up to the plate and owning our own talents, abilities, and our life’s choices.

There are really only three strategies I have ever found for happiness and fulfillment in life, whether in the marketplace or on the homefront. If we master these three, I guarantee that we will Show Up Well – Own It, and live a happy fulfilled life. I didn’t say it was easy or without effort. That is a fantasy. However, it is most certainly easier than staying on the proverbial hamster wheel.

My simple strategy (that I admit takes grueling implementation) is this: Take charge of 3 things…

Take complete power and OWN your:

1. Thoughts

2. Words

3. Deeds

We all have to start somewhere. Begin today to think about what you are thinking about. Get help with strategies to empty your head trash and replace it with healthier thoughts. Pay attention to what comes out of your mouth and make a mindful decision to upgrade your words and add more positivity in your day. Finally, own your actions. Own past actions and take immediate measures to sow good seeds with your deeds. Take charge of YOU on purpose, every day.

Show Up Well and Own It!

To learn more about Show Up Well Strategies and connect with Jan go to www.showupwell.com.

A  free gift is waiting for you there.