Core Blog Site

I figure if we can be driven “crazy”, then it must be possible to be driven “sane”. People typically don’t just go crazy overnight. It is a driving process until one day … yes, you just go over the edge. You have had enough! I have been there. Lost my mind a time or two. The good news is: I did find it. I reclaimed it and decided it was high time to take control and drive myself sane. I allowed men and money to drive me crazy. What is your excuse for insanity? I think my two demons are fairly common in the world of women.

I want to give you three simple steps to sanity.

Number One – Own it. Own where you are. Own that no matter who or what you feel put you there, you have the power to get out. It begins between your ears. Change your mind and you will change your life. Own the part that you created. Look at it. What could you have done differently? Now you know you will never do that again! Forgive yourself and move on. Let yourself off the hook. We have all made mistakes. You are on a learning journey just like everyone else. Stop being so hard on yourself.

Number Two – Get rid of fear. Fear is your enemy. Get rid of it! Fear will paralyze you. Remember that feeling when you had a bad dream and woke up and could not move? That is what fear does to you. However, remember when you woke up if you could just move your leg, or arm, or wiggle your pinkie toe, the fear would break! Get in motion! Get in action! Even if it is a tiny baby step. What small step can you take today in the right direction. Just do it! Fear will lose its grip on you once you get in motion!

Number Three – Be accountable. Our minds can play really great tricks on us and make us think we are making progress when in fact we are not in motion at all…. we are just thinking about getting in action! Be accountable to someone for the action you are going to take and the time you will have that action completed. Give them permission to follow up with you and hold you accountable. Accountability does not mean you are weak. It takes a lot of guts to let someone know if you accomplished what you set out to do or not. It is much easier to hide out and pretend. Accountability is not for the faint of heart. Accountability will pull you into reality. It will give you hope and make you proud of yourself for your accomplishments. Accountability will place you on the road to success, the road of sanity.

Human beings are not wired to live a solitary life. That is why it drives people crazy to be in “solitary confinement”. You must connect with others to live a full happy life. Own where you are. Get rid of your fear and be accountable.

Welcome to sanity!

 

 

If you are ready for accountability in your business life, give Jan a call at 512.329.2012 or email her at jan@civilityconsulting.com.

We can support you in connecting and creating the life you desire … personally and professionally. Our programs begin at just a $100 investment. You are worth it!

Have you ever just had one of those days where you felt like you were banging your head against the wall? Well I had one today. There are those moments when you are an entrepreneur. The question arises … ” What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with me???”  The answer is: There is NOTHING wrong with you. We all have what I call “blind-spots”. You know, like when you are driving down the road and you begin to change lanes and hear HONK! Ooops … They were in your blind-spot!

At that moment, do you decide not to drive anymore? Of course not. You simply course correct, get back in your lane and keep on driving. This is the quality that separates the Women from the Girls. Put on your big girl panties and deal with it.

My Dad was a Colonel in the US Army. He used to say “I know people have 12 step programs. However, I have a one step program … GET OVER IT!” To that I simply say “Yes sir, Dad.” It may not seem like the best plan, but it certainly has served me well for over half a century. The truth is I don’t stay stuck and I do keep moving forward. Today is no different. It was just one of those days …

Having the foundation of a system in my life carries me through the tough times. I feel for those who have no concrete foundation and just toss aimlessly on the waves of uncertainty that this life can bring.

I have a solution. It is a system. The Civility System.  It is a system that will build confidence in you and help you connect like you never have before. We build our businesses through connecting! The Civility System will help you connect in a healthy way to create for yourself a wealthy way. The processes and systems may not seem too exciting, but I beg to differ. As my dear friend Melissa Evans says … “Systems are Sexy”! They carry you through the hard times. Mine sure did today.

Visit http://civilityconsulting.com/professional-training/ and get your Sexy Back Today!

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You simply need a system!

You will receive a free eBook “The Three Miraculous Keys to Confidence” to read and share with your friends. Visit http://civilityconsulting.com/professional-training/ to get your free copy now.

Invest in yourself! Get our condensed version of our $25,000 corporate training produced especially for small business owners for an incredible $100 at http://civilityconsulting.com/professional-training/ Just do it! Do it now!

Invest in yourself. You deserve it!

To find out more about the fabulous Melissa Evans and tap into her wisdom, click here: http://melissa-evans.com/ She will set your feet on higher ground! She is the Guru of Implementation.

Melissa Evans

 Melissa Evans

CEO and Founder of Live Rich Spread Wealth

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Jan and Melissa on a Yacht in South Beach, Fla.

Love is the most important thing. Don’t try to live your life without it. Life without love isn’t life at all. We all need to love and be loved to have a full satisfying existence. There is no shame, no weakness, or no reason to fear because you want to be loved. You were hard wired that way. Give yourself permission to need love. It is OK. We all do. You are no exception.

So how do we find love? We find love through connecting with other people. If you do not connect you will never find love. There is plenty of love in this world and you will find the love that belongs to you. To find it, you must present yourself to the world in an authentic loving way. Like things attract. That is what managing your first impression is all about. First Impression Management is not just about your appearance. It is a deep work. To make your best impression it is important to:

♥       Know who you are

♥        Love who you are

♥       Consciously present yourself as who you are

This preparation is to improve the first 5 seconds of an encounter.  In 5 seconds someone decides whether or not to connect with you. If you make a bad first impression, the chances of you connecting go way down. If you do not connect with someone, you will not find love. Love comes through connecting. And it all happens in 5 seconds!

Who ever knew that managing your first impression was so important?

The most wonderful surprise happened as a result of the First Impression Management trainings I conduct across the country. I found that the practices instilled in executives had a “domino effect” in their personal lives. Families were being healed, relationships restored, and yes, single people were finding “the one”! It all began by using the secret of connecting.

It happened for me. I found great success. I found “the one”. Actually, we found each other. There was a journey in between, and it all began with connecting. Love is the most important thing … and it all happens in 5 seconds.

Who ever knew that managing your first impression was so important?

I would love to hear from you! I can support you in polishing your authentic first impression, raising your confidence level, and perfecting your networking skills.
Send me a note to: jan@civilityconsulting.com and schedule your FREE consultation. Do it now! Action is a key to YOUR success!

 

Happy summer everyone!

I thought a re-post of this article I wrote for Austin Woman Magazine may help some of you parents out there this summer! Please pass on to those who are rearing children. It is the toughest and best job on the planet!

Blessings!

Jan

By Jan Goss, Illustration by Katie Holmstrom

Have you ever noticed that parents with well-behaved children think they are the greatest parents on earth? When our children act out in front of them, we feel like complete failures. I ran a therapeutic group home for eight years and had up to 10 children in my home at a single time who were birthed by someone else…plus three children of my own. Yes, I had 13 children under the same roof. I developed behavior plans and taught manners. Some children were well behaved, and some were, well, let’s say challenging.

Had I tied my self-esteem to my children’s manners, I would have been on an emotional roller coaster—I definitely would have given the Texas Giant a run for its money. So over time, I discovered the first secret to teaching children manners: detach emotionally. It’s true that children learn what you live, but there’s more to it than that. You are not responsible for your child’s choices. I have seen the most gracious, kind parents with some pretty unruly children.

Living the example is critical and my second secret to teaching manners. However, it takes more than just living the example and detaching emotionally for effective manner development. It takes the third critical key to achieve success. If you are a parent you are acutely aware that children have a mind of their own. So how do we teach children manners? It is really quite simple. It is a matter of training.

You know that feeling when you take your new puppy to dog training class and realize they are not really training your dog? It is you that needs to make adjustments! It is not so different with children. Training is developing habits, thoughts and behaviors by repetitive discipline and instruction. My suggestion is to take one behavior at a time and work only on that one behavior until it is a habit.

This part of training is much more about you than the child. If you are working on the manner of “saying please when you make a request,” it is important for you to hold your ground and not give in until they say please. This points back to the first secret: If you don’t detach emotionally and you give in when they throw a fit, you are training them to throw a fit. I think we all know adults who still try this behavior! Live the example before them and repeat the training until it becomes a habit.

You are laying a foundation for your child’s success. Teaching your children manners is not about you or protecting your image. It is for their benefit. It takes time, swallowing your pride and patience. In the end, however, it always pays back great dividends. When a child is clear about how they should behave, it gives them an edge in life. It opens doors for them. It gives them their greatest chance to develop healthy relationships.

Manners matter. So develop manners in your children by using these three secret keys:

  • Detach Emotionally
  • Live the Example
  • Train by Repetition

Teach or train? Well I believe both!

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Want executive First Impression Management training but it has been cost prohibitive? We have your solution! Check out our new online training. It is affordable for small businesses, entrepreneurs and individuals. Click below for details!

http://civilityconsulting.com/professional-training/

 

Have you ever been utterly irritated at the way someone handed you their business card? I typically don’t send out information more than once a month … but I am compelled to address the issue of business card protocol. My husband, Rick and I have been to several events over the past few days and whoa! … there is a desperate need for enlightenment in the area of business card etiquette! I don’t mean to sound all sassy about it, but something has to be done! People are killing their chance of doing business and have no idea why. We can’t adjust what we are unaware of, so after today you will be ‘in the know’. No more excuses!

Think about how you feel when the person shows up who says, “Want my card, here … you want my card … hey, here’s my card” and shoves it at you with no concern for your answer to their question. Where do those cards end up? You are correct. File 13 … right to the trashcan! This is tragic because the poor person has no idea that the very thing they are trying to do – connect with people and gain their business – is exactly what will never happen. The increase they so desperately desire will not happen  because they are so obnoxious … or at best ignorant!

So here are a few of the basics:
  • Always carry your cards in a case, or you may place them in a pocket close to your heart
  • Hand out your card when you are asked for it … or
  • ASK “May I give you my card”
  • Do not assume everyone will want your card
  • When you hand a card to someone be sure it is facing them (not you or sideways)
  • When you receive a card take a moment to look at it
  • Ask for additional information while looking at the other person’s card … preferably using their name in a sentence or question
  • Put their card in a safe place such as in your business card holder, portfolio or a pocket by your heart
  • Ladies, do not drop their card into your purse. Place it somewhere intentionally.
  • Do not write on someone’s business card while you are in their presence unless you ask their permission. It is disrespectful.

The Critical Nugget

Gentlemen: Please do not ever carry your cards in your billfold. I do not want something you pulled out of your rear-end put in my hand. And please don’t put my card in there. That is not where I belong either!

Networking events are not a Las Vegas Casino. If you want to deal cards, your lucky place is Vegas!

When networking, you must polish up your business card practices if you want to be the big winner.

Good luck!

__________________________________________________________________________________________________

Ask About  The Civility System© our new affordable training system for businesses with 1-5 employees!

The Civility System©

Professional Business Etiquette – How to Present Yourself with Power

http://civilityconsulting.com/events/thecivility-system/

“Civility training is non-negotiable if your business is to succeed” Jan Goss

 

Sometimes I feel like the slowest student in the class of life. That is one of the reasons I surround myself with brilliant people. I had a rather profound light bulb experience a couple of years ago that I thought would be great to pass on. This “Aha moment” withstood the test of time. It was one of those moments when I thought… “I knew that”… however, I wasn’t implementing “that” …  it was a blind spot in my business. Changing this one little thing … this one idea revolutionized my thought processes and the way I conduct my business. Implementing this one idea has led to more product creation and greater customer satisfaction than ever before in the history of Civility Consulting. It has given me rave reviews!

I will ask you as I was asked: “Jan, who writes your business plan”?

If you are like me you will answer “I do”.

Again: “Who writes your business plan”? “Ummm… I am pretty sure that was me sitting at that computer in December … I do!”.

Again: “Jan, who should write your business plan”? The light bulb turned on!!!

Have you ever known someone who had absolutely amazing products or services, and yet their business was not sustainable? I have known plenty. It is heartbreaking. Our success is not based on whether or not we have the latest, greatest, best amazing product or service. Of course we must deliver a product or service that meets a need, and we should deliver it well. But, who writes the plan? This was my light bulb moment. I could see it! I saw my clients asking for very specific things and simply planned around serving them with excellence. Viola! The business plan was written.

What do people ask you for? Not what do you think is the best thing you have to offer! What is the public, or your tribe asking for?

Our clients, customers, and patients … they are the ones who write the plan … You didn’t know??? Now you do!

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Need a little help getting started?     How may we add to your success? 

Confidence Coaching?     First Impression Management?     Professional Business Etiquette Training?     Executive Dining Skills?

Please visit www.civilityconsulting.com to view our available products and services

or email info@civilityconsulting.com

It is our pleasure to serve you

Now that I have your attention…

The bank account I am referring to is not at Wells Fargo, nor at Chase or the Bank of America down the street. The bank account I am referring to can be full when your Chase account balance is low and can be low even if your Wells Fargo account balance is brimming over. I am speaking about your emotional bank account.

Every act of kindness is a deposit into your emotional bank account. This is where the power of civility comes in. Civility will fill your emotional bank account to overflow status. It will make you feel like a million bucks!  It just makes you feel better when you are kind and choose to walk in civility. I feel better when people are kind to me, don’t you? I feel better about shopping in an establishment where I am appreciated as a customer, don’t you? I feel better at home or on the job when I am shown respect, don’t you? We all do. We feel better when we give and receive kindness. Civility makes the world a better place.

I am an expert at pain. I am well acquainted with it. Perhaps not physical pain, although I have had a few doses through the years … I understand how it feels to be bankrupt emotionally. When we encounter another person we have no idea what they have been through that day. We don’t know what phone call they received, what family issues may be brewing, or what financial pain may be piercing their soul. If you want to fill your emotional bank account, choose civility. Be kind to people. Everyone is facing some kind of battle. People do business with those they like and trust. Civility  affects your bottom line, emotionally and financially. Choose civility and watch your emotional bank account flourish. You may be surprised to see your Chase Bank account overflowing as well!

Please enjoy this article that was featured in Texas Women In Business’ monthly member publication.

You walk into the event praying you will see someone you know. Inside the door you are met by a group of strangers. You look around to see if anyone notices the obvious jackhammer that is pounding in your chest. “Breathe”, you tell yourself. “Just breathe”. People smile at you and say hello. However, your mind-chatter is screaming so loudly you scarcely notice. Am I good enough? Am I smart enough? Am I pretty enough? You know connecting is a critical component to having a successful business. How do some people make it look so easy?

Knowing protocols can reduce or even eliminate the fear of networking and connecting with other people. When we are little, we are taught of “stranger danger” and told “do not talk to strangers”. Those messages run deep and can show up when we least expect it.

What if you knew a way to silence the critics in your head and create a pathway to connect and actually have a good time? I can show you how.

Knowledge really is power. How did I go from that skinny little kid who was ashamed to walk across a room to being confident to speak in front of 10,000 people? Knowledge, that’s how. I simply learned some things and you can too! Protocols are simply the rules that pertain to a given situation. How can we win a game if we don’t know the rules? If I try to play basketball using football rules, I will most likely get benched. Knowing protocols can keep you from getting “benched” at your next networking event. Protocols are simple. I am not saying following them is easy … it takes courage, determination, and it takes action … but I am saying the rules are simple. Some even call it common sense. The problem with common sense is that common sense is not so common!

We will get to the protocols for entering into a group in seven simple steps. However, it is important to know a few things first. Where do you begin? How do you choose a group to break into? What do you need to know prior to breaking into a group?

  • Always look for groups of three or more – breaking into a group of 2 can be too personal. You may be interrupting a private conversation. I have heard complaints that someone felt they were being ignored, or felt that someone was “freezing them out” when actually; they were the one with the rude behavior interrupting a conversation.
  • Personal responsibility is a huge part of learning to network effectively. You have control over how you present yourself and the kind of impression you make. If you are not aware of protocols, you may be setting yourself up for failure. Knowing networking protocols will create a successful experience every time. Get some knowledge. Educate yourself. Stop blaming others for not accepting you or reaching out to you. Protocol is this: It is your duty to introduce yourself. Take the initiative. Learn what to do and then practice it. You will become a pro in no time!
  • Even if a group has 3 or more people in it, evaluate the conversation to see if it is highly engaged. You want to find a group that is not engaged in deep conversation. If you see the group is highly engaged, move to another group that has a lighter atmosphere.
  • Watch for the single people. Check around to see if someone is by themselves. Take the initiative and introduce yourself. Make the other person feel welcome. This takes the pressure off of you and your performance. In the civility world we say it like this: Be others oriented. Being self-conscious is exactly that … being conscious of your “self”. Get your mind off of yourself and onto others. That is when the magic happens!

 7 Steps to Break Into a Group While Networking

  1. Adjust your posture – Adjusting your posture not only makes you look confident, regardless of how you may feel, it also creates a shift in your state of mind. This is a powerful tool when networking. To adjust your posture, simply bring your shoulders up, back, down, and then tuck in your tummy. Feel a golden thread from the crown of your head to heaven. See yourself standing tall. Walk in the power that is rightfully yours. If you don’t walk in your power, who will?
  2. Put on a smile – A smile is like honey. It draws people to you. A smile also changes your state of mind. When you smile you release endorphins that make you feel better. Never underestimate the power of a smile. It can make people choose you over another, just because they feel a welcoming presence inviting them to connect with you.
  3. Stand 3 feet away – Your presence does not end where your body ends. It actually extends beyond your body … about 3 feet. This is why you can “feel” someone’s presence without actually touching them. This is important to know when networking. After you have adjusted your posture and put on a smile, stand about 3 feet away from the group you desire to enter. Just stand there and smile. This step is most likely the greatest challenge. Standing outside of a group for 10 seconds can feel like 20 minutes … but you can do it. Stand there anyway. It is protocol. You stand there until the next step happens …
  4. Make eye contact – When someone in the group makes eye contact with you this is your cue. When eye contact occurs, it will break the energy of the group. Regardless of where the person is within the group who made eye contact with you, smile and acknowledge them with a nod of you head or a hello. Do not reach your hand across the group to shake a hand when breaking into a group.
  5. Introduce yourself to the person on your right or left – It is protocol to introduce yourself to the person to the right or the left of you. Say Hello, your name and company name (if applicable).
  6. Acknowledge everyone in the group – Be sure you do not leave anyone out who is in the group. Give a smile, nod of your head, a hello or handshake to everyone in the group. You do not want to start a conversation with one person and not acknowledge everyone in the group.
  7. Add to the conversation as appropriate – Join in the conversation. Do not be shy. Act as if you belong. This is protocol. Maintain steps 1-4 and you are sure to begin to connect in a respectful, healthy way.

Remember to greet your host or the organizers of the event upon entering, and thank them upon exiting. Someone put their time and energy into creating each event. This is a great place to begin to learn how to approach others. Approach with gratitude and you will be received every time.

This is the tip of the iceberg in the world of protocols and networking secrets. Knowing the rules will give you power and options. Once you know the rules you can choose to follow them or not … but at least you will consciously know you chose to veer from the path and were not just stumbling blindly trying to find your way through the networking jungle. Knowledge is power when it comes to connecting. It will give you the power to move forward with grace, connect with confidence and remove that jackhammer from your chest!

Please enjoy a re-post of an article I wrote for the AW Magazine… Happy Valentine’s Day!   Jan

It is February. Chocolate sales soar, Cupid shoots his arrows and heart shaped valentines are passed to giggling young girls. You may find yourself reminiscing of simple days when love seemed less demanding and trouble-free. Relationships can be … well, shall we just say … complicated. They can be complex for a variety of reasons, but nothing complicates our relationships more than the ambiguity of personal rules and boundaries. Clarity brings prosperity in every arena, including relationships. Thank goodness there is expert help for relational etiquette!

Have you ever thought about what unspoken rules you live by … and require of others … both in personal and professional relationships? We all have them. We all need them. Healthy relationships require rules and boundaries that are understood and agreed upon by both parties. Could you imagine driving on a street where everyone drives by their own set of rules? Our relational streets need rules and boundaries as well or people and relationships crash. Rules give us clarity. Boundaries keep us on track. We penalize ourselves and sometimes our whole “team” when we don’t follow the guidelines. Just ask the NFL.

Fortunately, there are rules of etiquette that can help us play the relational game without getting benched or kicked off the field! The good news is that experts agree on the basic rules for civility in relationships. Here are the top five relational etiquette guidelines to ensure that you win in your relationships.

Be Others Oriented. The first rule of etiquette is this: It is not about you, it is about the way the other person feels in your presence. Stay aware of the person on the other side of the relationship. What is going on in their world? Be kind. Keep compliments alive even in your long term relationships at home and on the job. Remember the good things that built that relationship and keep doing them. Don’t slack off and take that person for granted. Acknowledge their contribution. Be attentive.

Don’t Compare. Each individual is different. No two people will ever be exactly the same. Relational dynamics are not equal. Comparison is a relationship killer. It can be very discourteous. The victim of comparison either ends up on the bottom end of the equation or perched high on a precarious pedestal. Be grateful for what this person brings to the relationship and be gracious in areas they fall short. Appreciate people for who they are. Resist the temptation to compare!

Dress Appropriately. You would not think of wearing your bathing suit to the Opera, or a formal gown to a backyard Bar B Que. Wear appropriate clothing for the occasion, whether on a date or in the office. How you dress does affect your relationships. If you dress in a sloppy manner, people will treat you accordingly. Women who show too much skin in the office should not be offended when people react to their dress. From the boardroom to social events, find out the rules concerning attire and follow them. This keeps you and others from embarrassing moments.

Keep Electronic Communication Respectful. Please keep in mind to treat online contacts (through social media and electronic devices) and relationships over the phone with the same respect you would show in person. The individual on the other end of an email, text, or phone call is no less of a person than someone you encounter face to face.
Never send anything you type when you are angry or upset. Do not say anything electronically that you would not be willing to see on the front page of the paper. (because it may end up there!)

This rule of respect applies in social settings as well. When communicating electronically, please excuse yourself and keep it private. The whole room does not want to hear your phone call nor does your company deserve to be ignored while you answer a text. If you have an emergency, excuse yourself; if it is not an emergency, wait! Poor electronic communication skills can create havoc in relationships!

Have Fun! Do not be afraid to lighten up and laugh at yourself. This puts people at ease and shows them you have a sense of humor. Laughter is good medicine. It lightens the atmosphere. Be sure you use appropriate comedy … never anything hurtful, condescending or off color. People love to be around others who are joyful. Having fun is fundamental to a good relationship.

We can all agree that we have a relationship or two that could use a little polishing this year. If you don’t have one now, you will. It is part of our human experience. Clearly communicating and following these top five etiquette rules will unquestionably produce the relational success you desire. And, who knows … Cupid may have a surprise to shoot your way.

Coming Soon!  First Impression Advantage for Dating©!

Contact us for details! info@civilityconsulting.com

Our Civility Spotlight for the month of January falls on…

Pastor Rob Koke at Shoreline Christian Center

How did he grow such a magnificent, multicultural congregation? His answer will SURPRISE you!

Don’t miss this interview! Regardless of your religious affiliation, the impact of true Civility within this organization is evident! We can ALL learn from this one!